why do i even bother?
why do i even fucking bother?!

moving up and moving on.

if there's ever a shot

i hope i'm around.

and on your mind.

Sad. Just sad.

a dream.

i had a dream last nite...
my mom was able to see out her left eye again.

i wish dreams came true.

I blew it.
But I told her I love her. She prly thinks I'm weird.
I don't like her boyfriend.
but he makes her happy. That's all that matters.

my wallpaper at work. :)

april 22

it was 2 years ago, today, that i kicked the most wonderful person, in my life, out of my life.
:(

i'm such a fool.

ugh....

how do you go from being lovers to being friends?

:(

so, i'm not upset...

i'm not angry, or upset.
but you don't hear from someone for a few days...and then they want to stop talking to you for a couple weeks?
and when you ask them to call, it's like you have to have a reason?
well, yes. the reason being i wanted to talk. communicate.
you made it sound like i forced you to call me.
i thought it'd be nice if you'd call and ask how my day went, how i was doing?

:(
it sucks. i can't even email to see how she's been, what she's feeling.
and that hurts.

so....

you buy someone flowers, and you're the bad guy?

wtf?

why?

why am i not doing what God wants me to do?

:(

sleep when i'm gone

at my service, make sure they play "We'll Meet Again".

:)

i'm guessing you'll forget my name by morning.

so, not much is going on right now.

not much at all.

i'm at Mister Toad in the Old Market. not that anyone is reading this or is in the Old Market.

this has to be my favorite place to have a drink in Omaha. this is fact.

which, is OK by me. it's a lovely place.

not much on my mind.

other than places to visit. i'd like to go to Duluth, MN.

or Seattle, WA. or Marietta, GA.

just to name a few. also, i've never been to New York City, NY.

one day.

i wish i had something to write about. maybe i should start my short story again.

that's an idea.

i do have a few directions i could go with that.

i really do need to get away.

from all the distractions of Omaha.

and just write.

like Brad Hoshaw.

:)

is that so?

Should i decide it's true
that you would leave if given half the chance to go and
i'd be left here on my own
to find myself in bed
wishing everything that changed would be the same

the room still looks like you
it's a mess and all the pictures on the shelf are
dusted off by someone else
to keep me company
i haven't told her that your thought still lingers on

- William Fitzsimmons

i'll admit; she does still come in and out of my thoughts. i'm not going to lie.

i don't think there will ever be a day that she won't be in my mind. and on my heart.

i loved her with everything. and to not be there when she departed from this world... tears me down.

i look around, and all i see is her.

in peoples faces, in their walk...the clothes they wear.

people walking by...i wave hello.

i see it in their smile.

she smiled all the time.

that i miss the most.

her smile. it made me feel safe.

i don't really get that feeling from anyone else here.

i do feel safe....but i can't look at anyone and tell them i feel safe around them.

that really makes me sad.

i guess i have issues of trust. i trust few.

i have a hard time trust myself.

if you would come back home....

i swear it would be better.

title? does there have to be a title?

so, i guess there has to be a title.

i'm really not sure what to type here.
i've been stressing myself out, as of late.
i'm learning to deal w/ it....i guess i should say that God is teaching me.
this is a learning process.
everyday, i'm going to lay my life down for him, cause he did it for me.(for everyone)

i used to eat boogers.

now i call you booger!

woot!

Post Title (required)

not a whole lot going on today.
working.
watched the game at b. frogg’s.  had a bite, a drink, the works.
I don’t have any pictures to post, either.
wish I did.
I’ll start using my camera more often.
thirsty.
bout go get a drink of water.

talk to you in a bit.
peace.

hello

hello.
so, not much is going on now.
just at work.
I need to find out how….to do something.  I can’t remember what.
I’m leaving for Hot-lanta on the 7th.  I’ll be back on the 12th.
should be ok.  I’m kinda freaking out.  for personal reasons.
it will be good.  God said He’ll be there w/ me.

I don’t have much of anything else.
just chillin’.  waiting to go home.
going to the parents.
then to roman coin pizza.
should be good.
such a lot of space for nothing particular.

I miss my grandma.  I’m going to give her a call.

Hi

Hi.
This is a new post.
How are you all doing?
Who all reads this anyways?

J

so, I’m typing this in Microsoft Word.  Which is really fucking kool….cept for the fact that it caps the first letter of a sentence.
Let me fix that……
Did it….it did not work.
did it work…..it did.  J

that’s amazing.
nothing much going on.  I don’t think I’m doing anything this weekend.
is anyone else doing anything?
let me know.
I might be down for doing nothing w/ you.  :D

left foot forward.

hi.
this is new.